Then it hit me all at once one night. An anxiety attack. Here I was. Unemployed (other than my part-time) while all my friends were getting their dream jobs. Classmates who did not even intern like I had, hired. I knew better than to compare myself but I could not stop the feeling of dread within me. Was it me? Was it my resume?
My mind then turned and I started doubting if I even knew anything at all. Did I really learn anything at those internships? Would I be able to do the tasks at hand as a full-time employee? Would I ever be good enough?
I was my own worst critic.
I went back and presented my project and then was introduced to the president of the company. It was nerve-wracking but we ended up talking and I learned quite a bit. 2 days later, I was emailed and offered the position. I was ecstatic. My first job offer! But even still, I was hesitant. I took the job despite it and I started a week later.
After a week of working. I quit. I am not a quitter. I know a first job was never going to be perfect or what I thought. It was not going to be easy and it was going to be stressful. The reason I left was because I ended up doing much more sales than social media. Any experience is good experience but my fear was that I would be forever stuck in sales if I stayed there for a year and then looked elsewhere. I wanted to land my job in public relations, marketing, or social media and that was that.
So here I am, nearly 9 months after graduation and still searching for my full-time job. I spend my days at home, where my part-time is, luckily, remote. I work from home and I watch over my cousins all day,everyday. It’s not where I thought I would end up now but I realize that the right job will come for me when it does. Life is funny in that way and I am not about to let it deter me.
Instead, I am focusing on myself now. I’ve lost 27 pounds, I’ve begun to do breathing exercises and coloring to ease my anxiety, and I am taking it a day at a time. I will not give up. I will continue to tweak my resume, work my contacts, and hope that the fruits of my labor will finally result in a job that is in the field I want to be in.
Here’s to all those unemployed students having anxiety attacks and wishing they could go back to the good old days of college. You aren’t alone.